FML.

tick freaking tock. i am absolutely the biggest procrastinator of all times... it's an undying habit i have, but swears, I can't and won't stop. I'm such a stubborn bitch who can't change my own ways. Literally. I think I have issues sometimes, but that's only because I dealt with so much it made me into a nut job. Alright, not like the squirrels, but yeah.. the mixed emotions are catching onto me.

I have an essay due in approximately 3 hours and 40 minutes, but luckily, it's not one of those crazy 5 paragraphs essay type-shit... but I'm still very lazy to do it.

My head hurts, my heart hurts, my butt hurts, everything hurts! I can conclude how much aggravation I have towards everything, INCLUDING MYSELF.

But on the upside, I would like to take time to thank my girls, my life is meaningless without them. Gosh this summer has made me realize one thing, I do have the greatest friends in my life. Through it all, I think we've gone through so much and we're not like those other groups who departs after college has taken over. I love you guys and I'm thankful for all those ups and downs we had together. I believe that defines REAL friendships.

BUT for reals. My life is opening to another stage of maturity. I've come to accept the reality of truth. People live then they learn. Nobody is perfect, and people should always know that there are two sides to every story. One should only judge in the preference of knowledge and there is not an absolute right nor wrong. Everyone fucks up once in a while, but this world is forgiving in every possible way.

At this moment, it's all sighs and drips. I'm fine, but I am not Okay. That might not make sense, but on a smaller scale it does. I still constantly find myself checking on the networks. I hear a door slam and I run to the window that faces the main street. I'm too wrapped in my head with high hopes that you'll be the answer to my prayers. It feels like a year now, I need you to be my savior.

I want to run away, but sadly I have freaking priorities that reflects on the future. DAMN FMyLife!!!

ive become my own worse enemy.

I wish i didn't build myself up into this person I've become. I can't take back what is done and now I can only rely on change. But is change something i need or is it a psycho path I'm heading towards. I set my foot down to only see me drown my soul into the devil's hands.

In my own world.

I've built everything within myself to stay beyond the barriers. Being badly bruised and forever scarred made me realize how emotionally attached I am. I've worn my heart on my sleeve but somehow I've kept my distance to only watch myself fall. Why can't I move forward. I only stare at myself wondering why do i stay in this entangled web.

I guess I'm still growing. To be with or without everything that does or doesn't matter. It's hard to tell myself to get "growing" but healing takes more time than it should. It does suck for it is constantly shaken to the underlies that's dangling in reality. I believe I'm at the point guard pinned down to truth where it's just me, myself, and I.

the sake to update.

so I've been leaving my blog hanging around for about a month now. it's currently 11:51 pm.. and i should get going with my beauty rest. hahaha yeah..
lets see.. life .. it sums up to be OKAY. but okay means that there is so many multi-problems or multi- issues going in my life. but lets just leave it there.

i got myself a job, yet i don't even quite know if i really DO have a job.. it's complicated.. but hopefully it's just a lack of misconceived words.. or slack.

school is stressing me out. im literally breaking out again.. because of stupid essays im working at.. like tha fuckkk. i should have just went along with lilian and her scd. my plan failed. i kind of wanted to quit but i cant. damnit.

speaking of which.. valentines is coming up. oh how another year flies by oh so quick. then sequentially it will be my 19th birthday. still counting til i hit the 21 mark. but it'll do. then follows my 9 months. yeahh it's going to be an eventful month.. yet i have to learn how to balance everything.. yikes!

so my power is drained. i barely napped today. my back is sore. my head it sore. my butt hurts. my feet are cold. and the yapping continues. but for now good night all.

p.s. so today right? i heard hella sirens.. makes me wonder.. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THIS FUCKING WORLD! .. dude and i hate drivers lately.. i swear one day im going to roll down my window and throw a buncha shit at their cars.. dmv aint doing their job.. shit.