FML.

tick freaking tock. i am absolutely the biggest procrastinator of all times... it's an undying habit i have, but swears, I can't and won't stop. I'm such a stubborn bitch who can't change my own ways. Literally. I think I have issues sometimes, but that's only because I dealt with so much it made me into a nut job. Alright, not like the squirrels, but yeah.. the mixed emotions are catching onto me.

I have an essay due in approximately 3 hours and 40 minutes, but luckily, it's not one of those crazy 5 paragraphs essay type-shit... but I'm still very lazy to do it.

My head hurts, my heart hurts, my butt hurts, everything hurts! I can conclude how much aggravation I have towards everything, INCLUDING MYSELF.

But on the upside, I would like to take time to thank my girls, my life is meaningless without them. Gosh this summer has made me realize one thing, I do have the greatest friends in my life. Through it all, I think we've gone through so much and we're not like those other groups who departs after college has taken over. I love you guys and I'm thankful for all those ups and downs we had together. I believe that defines REAL friendships.

BUT for reals. My life is opening to another stage of maturity. I've come to accept the reality of truth. People live then they learn. Nobody is perfect, and people should always know that there are two sides to every story. One should only judge in the preference of knowledge and there is not an absolute right nor wrong. Everyone fucks up once in a while, but this world is forgiving in every possible way.

At this moment, it's all sighs and drips. I'm fine, but I am not Okay. That might not make sense, but on a smaller scale it does. I still constantly find myself checking on the networks. I hear a door slam and I run to the window that faces the main street. I'm too wrapped in my head with high hopes that you'll be the answer to my prayers. It feels like a year now, I need you to be my savior.

I want to run away, but sadly I have freaking priorities that reflects on the future. DAMN FMyLife!!!

ive become my own worse enemy.

I wish i didn't build myself up into this person I've become. I can't take back what is done and now I can only rely on change. But is change something i need or is it a psycho path I'm heading towards. I set my foot down to only see me drown my soul into the devil's hands.

In my own world.

I've built everything within myself to stay beyond the barriers. Being badly bruised and forever scarred made me realize how emotionally attached I am. I've worn my heart on my sleeve but somehow I've kept my distance to only watch myself fall. Why can't I move forward. I only stare at myself wondering why do i stay in this entangled web.

I guess I'm still growing. To be with or without everything that does or doesn't matter. It's hard to tell myself to get "growing" but healing takes more time than it should. It does suck for it is constantly shaken to the underlies that's dangling in reality. I believe I'm at the point guard pinned down to truth where it's just me, myself, and I.

the sake to update.

so I've been leaving my blog hanging around for about a month now. it's currently 11:51 pm.. and i should get going with my beauty rest. hahaha yeah..
lets see.. life .. it sums up to be OKAY. but okay means that there is so many multi-problems or multi- issues going in my life. but lets just leave it there.

i got myself a job, yet i don't even quite know if i really DO have a job.. it's complicated.. but hopefully it's just a lack of misconceived words.. or slack.

school is stressing me out. im literally breaking out again.. because of stupid essays im working at.. like tha fuckkk. i should have just went along with lilian and her scd. my plan failed. i kind of wanted to quit but i cant. damnit.

speaking of which.. valentines is coming up. oh how another year flies by oh so quick. then sequentially it will be my 19th birthday. still counting til i hit the 21 mark. but it'll do. then follows my 9 months. yeahh it's going to be an eventful month.. yet i have to learn how to balance everything.. yikes!

so my power is drained. i barely napped today. my back is sore. my head it sore. my butt hurts. my feet are cold. and the yapping continues. but for now good night all.

p.s. so today right? i heard hella sirens.. makes me wonder.. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THIS FUCKING WORLD! .. dude and i hate drivers lately.. i swear one day im going to roll down my window and throw a buncha shit at their cars.. dmv aint doing their job.. shit.

her very last breath..

I embraced for the moment to finally arrive. For the past days, my family have been at the hospital, checking up on my 95 year old great grandma. Her failing body was not going to revive itself. She knew it was her time to go.

This morning, i woke up around 10 am. My sister received a call from my mother, urging us to come to the hospital to take a last look at our great grandmother. We got ready and left the house, trying not to let time pass us by. We arrived at the hospital and the relatives were outside waiting for the nurse to clean my ggma's room. Everyone had a sad burden face. It was enough to trigger the flow of tears from ones eyes. The nurse then announced that her heart rate is beating twice as fast. Everyone emerged into the room rapidly. She was laying there while everyone crowed around her death bed, crying and praying to save her soul. Streams of tears were flowing onto everyone's face as her heart rate decreases. Taking a very last moment with the ones she loved, she went off into heaven. She had a cross by her heart and pictures of saints on her soulders. My religious family prayed along with the rosery and everyone was mouring soulfully. The heart rate moniter went off. Her heart rate came back to about 50 then decreased again. It was surprising to me that she came back a few times before she finally passed away at 11:05 am. I thought that she was going to come back to us for a few seconds, but god called her through the gateway to heaven, so she can meet her loving family and my dear grandfather. While in reality, this was a first hand experience for me. I never witness a death with my very own eyes. I remember the time when someone dear passed away, I was too afraid to attend their funeral. This time, I have to be there, not to pay respect, but to give her the love i had that were emotionally there. I will surely miss her. She waited for mine and my sister and my cousin presence before she took off into paradise. And for that, it meant a whole lot.

I wept my eyes out because she was an adorable person. Before she lost her memories, She couldnt recognize me until i started smiling. When i was little, she used to pull out a couple of bucks and give it to me so i could buy candies. When i became older, i didn't see her so often, every time i did see her, i would simply give her a huge smile and her grey eyes would widen as she giggles and calls me silly. Now that she's gone, it's hard for the family because everyone took care of her. But really, we shouldn't be sad about this thing called life, we just have to look on the bright side and believe that she's in a better place, and so she is.

R.I.P great grandma, you will always be missed.. forever.

He does the darnest things.

it's unexpectedly cute the way he showers his feelings for me. i absolutely love it :]



"dear santa,

for christmas this year, i want jessica trang vu all to myself. i know that's selfish but you can't blame me, can you? she's just so wonderful and i don't wanna share her with anyone (family, friends, co-workers). yes i know that's shady but who cares.

oh yeah. i was wondering if you can deliver too. if you can, can you pick up my computer desk and chair from dublin and drop it off under the christmas tree? i'll appreciate it a lot. thanks.

p.s. don't worry, i'll give you a jar of cookies and a full glass of milk this time.

your all-time favorite,
tony hung nguyen"

baby, all i want for christmas is you :]

my boyfriend is so cute :]

so my story titled drowning wasnt completed so my boyfriend wanted to finish it for me. hahaha although i will finish it another time :] but i thought he was cute for doing it. haha i adore him so much :] <33

his version:
"suddenly she wakes up grasping for air. as she open her eyes, she sees a familiar face. it was the young man again. she then asks, " what happened? " he replies," i jumped in the water to saved you." confused, she asks, "why would you do such do for me?" so then, he looks straight into her eyes and says, "because i love you.."